Growing up I hid. I did not want to be seen. I would shrink into a crowd of people. Crowds terrified me. People terrified me. I would be nervous to talk. I would play scenarios in my head of what questions could or would be asked. I would rehearse all my answers. Assuring myself not to say anything out of the norm. Assuring I would not be laughed at. Assuring I would not be noticed. I thought it was protection. It was not protection; it was me agreeing with the many voices. The discouraging voices. The voices that said you’re not enough. The voices that said, don’t do too much. The voices that told me to mirror others. Told me to not stand out. Why wasn’t I enough? Why do I feel like an outcast? Why is it not ok for me to be different? I knew I was. But I didn’t understand how being different is what makes me great. Makes us all great. In our own way.

Am I Really An Introvert?

I gave myself the title of being an introvert. Because they enjoy spending time alone and feel drained by social settings. Can I be alone? Yes, I have done it for years. Did I enjoy it? I do not think I did. I wanted to hang out. I wanted to be social. I wanted to be accepted into a circle. I am not the introvert I thought I was. I want to be around other people. I want that connection. I want different perspectives. I wanted companionship. Living, enjoying life is not fun ALONE. People you connect with and share experiences with make life worthwhile. I just didnt know how to show up in it.

Daring To Be Seen

I realized. It is just daring to do it. Daring to put yourself out there. Daring to start a conversation with someone. Daring to just talk. Being able to do things alone is good for you too. But having community is everything.

What Ive Survived

I have been through some extraordinary things in my life. Most of them were out of anyone’s control. God did not put me through everything I have been through for me to be like the next person. I have realized that for me to be extraordinary I had to go through those things. My liver transplant 32 years ago didn’t break me, the blood disorder I developed after having my first son and it coming back after I had my second didn’t break me. The parvo I contracted didn’t break me. The fact that I currently still have the virus but it is inactive is not breaking me. The many many blood transfusions didn’t break me. The high dosage of IVIG therapy to treat both parvo and my blood disorder that was happening simultaneously didn’t break me. It showed me how resilient I am.

My Quriks Are Gifts

 It showed me to lean into all my quirks. My quirks are my gifts! They are what make me Miriah. It taught me to start living life. Stop and just imagine. Imagine a life you could only dream of and live it. Do it. Now. The only person in your way is you. So step aside so that you can start living.

Rainbows

My youngest kiddo and I have a thing for rainbows. We are amazed every time we see one. We pause everytime we see one. Because they don’t hide behind the clouds. They beam through. That is how I want to show up now. Beaming through, unapologetically.

I Am Enough

No more hiding me. It’s time for me to be seen but it is also past time I see myself. I am worthy of being seen. I am ENOUGH! I do not have any evidence to prove that I am not. All the evidence proves that I am. My liver transplant. My blood disorder. My amazing husband. My kids. My wonderful family. Me simply just being here proves that I am enough. So, it’s time I acted like it. No more hiding behind the bush. No more disappearing in crowds. It’s time to show up and shine through like the rainbows do. Today i chose to show up like this.